Category Archives: Inspiration

episode #013 – Shame

 Aloha, in this episode I talk about shame.
I referenced episode #011 on Fear and episode #012 on Doubt.
Fear, Doubt and Shame are the three main things that women
suffer from.

Shame is a painful emotion that we need to talk about, woman
want to just hide it under the rug, but I don’t want that for you.
We need to figure out how to get rid of these feelings that are
not serving us.

There’s no room in our life for fear, doubt and shame.

Growing up, have you ever had an adult say to you “shame on you”?  If you
did, said or behaved in a certain way?

We don’t think about how it’s going to affect our kids when we say those
things to them.

Everything that goes on in our lives shapes who we are and who we become
and the feelings we have.  We take things on.

We need to work on letting go:

First – acknowledge that you have shame within yourself.

Shame will look different for everyone – some people have shame about how
they look, shame of being in public, or speaking up, there are so many because
we are all so different.

You can quiet down those feelings and let it go by understanding how it affects
you in your daily life, being ashamed about so many things prevents you from
achieving the things that you want or prevents you from moving forward on things.

The only way to accomplish things is to get out of our comfort zone and do the
things that are scary and do the things that you feel are shameful even though they
may not be.

I will always tell you to write things down on paper, writing with a physical instrument
will make a big difference.  Write everything down that you can remember about the
shame that you’re feeling, when it started, why you think you have this kind of shame
even though it might be scary, but in the end you’ll be glad you did.

Get it out of your head so that you can work on letting it go.

This will help you move forward in the right direction.  Holding on to the shame that
you have inside of you is not helping you at all.

Denial is also a really big enemy.

We have to have the good and the bad in our life, there’s no way that everything can
always be good.  We have to have the bad so that we can appreciate the good –
opposition helps us to grow and overcome those things, that’s how God intended life
to be.

Don’t be hard on yourself and get yourself down, it is possible to overcome all of these
things.  It may take a little time because you’ve probably had these feelings for a really
long time.  It’s amazing how long someone can hold on to feelings of fear, doubt and
shame.

Change is really hard and can be scary, but the more you experience change – you
start to realize that “hey it’s not so bad after all”.

Letting go could mean the unknown, what’s on the other end. If we let go of something,
you’ll feel much better and feel different.

Letting go will feel much better than holding on to the shame and other feelings that
are negative that aren’t helping you.

Sometimes it’s better to get some help with understanding and figuring out these
things, so if you would like my help you can email me at
janin@fashionablefinance.com
we can see if there’s any way that we can work together.  I’m here to support and
guide you in a way that would be best for you.

If you know anyone who is suffering from shame, then have them listen to this
podcast and share with them what you’re learning, it’s always good to help other
people.

Women love to talk with other women and discuss the problems of their day, so
how about you talk with each other about this subject of SHAME.

It always feels good when you help somebody that you care about, so I encourage
you to share this podcast with the people that you know.

Shame affects our lives by making us feel like were not good enough, shame has
so many different faces.  If you don’t feel like you’re good enough to do very many
things, then you just go through life living the same-old, same-old not wanting to
stretch yourself or to make improvements or to work towards a dream or goal that
you have.

You are worth your dreams and it’s worth going towards your goals, we all have
dreams and goals.

We let life get in the way because we aren’t paying attention to those things that
are really important and shame seems to get in our way.

It pops up and gets in our face and makes you feel like you can’t do it or you’re
not worth it.

If you’re feeling uncomfortable, it’s OK, the feeling should pass, it won’t stay with
you forever.  Feel those feelings because if you try to ignore it that’s when shame
pops up in your face, and you’re not going to know what it is or how to deal with it.
It’s so important to know how to recognize it.

You’re worth it, you’re worth the time it takes to get out of the denial and face your
shame and admit that you have it so you can overcome it.

Good and bad words have power whether we realize it or not, everything you hear
and say affects you emotionally, mentally, spiritually.  So if you ever hear someone
that you know say “shame on you” please encourage them to not say that.

If you can learn to speak up and start to recognize these things and be vocal about
it will be so much more powerful in helping move you forward in overcoming this
shame.

Fear, doubt and shame holds you and keeps you down and makes you crazy
because you just don’t understand why it’s there or why doesn’t it just go away.

I welcome any comments or questions if you have any.

Would you like me to share a new Hawaiian word on each episode of this podcast.
The Hawaiian language is so beautiful and fascinating, that’s why I use the word
“Aloha” a lot because it more then one meaning.  It means: love, hello, goodbye, I
care.  And so much more.

A hui hou malama pono (take care, until we meet again)

I hope you are enjoying listening to this podcast!

Please share this podcast with anyone that you know of
who will benefit from the things that are in each episode.

Subscribe to this podcast in iTunes or Stitcher Radio,
so that you’ll never miss an episode.

Connect with me:  janin@fashionablefinance.com

Mahalo for listening.

Aloha, Janin Johnston

Music by: Dennis Pavao
Song: Ipo Lei Manu
Album: Wale No
Produced by: Pilialoha Production
If you would like to order a copy of this CD you
can send an email request to Pilialoha Productions
at: makai@maui.net

Dennis Pavao-Album Cover

 

 

 

 

Permission was given to use the music from this
artist.

 

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What Do You Need To Be Successful In Your Life And With Your Finances? – Part 3

What Do You Need To Be Successful In Your Life...-pt.3

I want to start of with a short recap of Part 1 and Part 2 of this article series.
In Part 1, I mentioned a little about women love pain, that they’re not taught
at a young age how to be successful.  In Part 2 I talked about lasting success
comes from the things that you value the most.  Asking yourself simple “how”
and “what” questions on a daily basis is the key to unlocking your success.

The reason that I say that asking yourself these questions is because we all
have success inside of us, we know what is going to make us happy, what’s
in our heart, what kind of things we want, what we don’t want, what we need
to change to make it happen, and, possibly who we need to ask for help to
attain the success that we want.

It can seem overwhelming and scary. You can only take one step at a time in
order to make things happen.  If there’s only one thing that you take away
from reading these articles is that – you are only one person!  You can only
do one thing at a time, it’s not possible to be in two places at the same time
and be helping everyone else but yourself. Continue reading

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What Do You Need To Be Successful In Your Life And With Your Finances? – Part 2

What Do You Need To Be Successful In Your Life...-pt.2

In Part 1 of this article, I talked about how women love pain, they’re not taught
from a young age how to be successful in their personal life and how success
with finances is connected with success in their personal life.

I hope you had a chance to do the assignment that I talked about at the end of
the article.  It was the first step to take on the road to finding out what you need
to be successful in your life and with your finances.  I also mentioned that every-
one is different and because we’re all different, there are different keys to unlock
your success.

But, the first step of writing everything down on paper and getting it out of your
head is the first key to use, no matter who you are, where you come from and
what your circumstances were and are at this time; it works for everyone.

Now that you’ve written everything down (that was in your head) on paper, you
can now see what it is that is going on.  You might even see things that are the
things you love, want to do, want to see, want to have, want to feel and more.
The main thing is that you wrote it all down!

Let me ask you…are you surprised by what you wrote down on paper?  Are
you confused? Usually the things that are in your head are the things that
you think about on a regular basis.  Somewhere in there, there is your values
all mixed up with the other things that don’t really have a lot of value if you
really look at it…that’s why I always say to write everything down on paper-
that’s where the magic happens!

In order to have any kind of success in any area of your life, you have to know
what is going on in your head, what your values are and what you value the most.
True and lasting success that makes you happy is usually the things that you
value…a lot and the most.

We also keep our values in our heart without even realizing it.  What we hold
dear and value is connected to your heart as well as your mind, it’s never in just
one place.

To find out what you really need to have success in your life and with your finances,
ask yourself this question-What do you personally really need to be successful in
your life and with your finances at this time?
  Only you can answer this question
because success means different things to different people.

The answers to these questions can usually be found in the things that you wrote
down, it may seem a little to simple but it is really simple, the things that you hold
in your heart is what your going to need to be successful.  You might have discovered
that how you’re living your life and the things that you’re doing may be contrary to
what you feel in your heart.

Asking simple but powerful questions will help you unlock the keys to your success.
Asking “how” and “what” questions on a daily basis is a great way to move you
forward.  Ask yourself questions like “how can I get to where I want to go with
  (what you want)  ?” and/or “what do I need to do to have success with (what you
want to have success with)  ?

Practice asking yourself these questions everyday and pay attention to what you
come up with, you might find that an idea will pop into your mind or you might have
a conversation with someone and they might be able to help you.  You just never
know!  Keep your mind and heart open to the possibilities.

It may seem like all of this is a lot of work, but it’s not!  Once you start making this
a regular practice of writing things down and asking yourself questions daily will
make a big difference.  I want to encourage you to try this out for a week and see
what happens.

Stay tuned for Part 3 of this article coming soon.

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What Do You Need To Be Successful In Your Life And With Your Finances?-Part1

What Do You Need To Be Successful In Your Life...-pt.1

What Do You Need To Be Successful In Your Life And With Your Finances?

Is that something that you think about?  Is it something that you even care about?
Life is going by so quickly that sometimes it may be hard to even take the time to think
about those questions.

This is what I’ve learned about having any kind of success in any area of life, and that
is that if you don’t plan and write things down on paper, then life is just going to drag
you along whatever course it wants to and that it’s usually not the course you really
want to be on.  It’s from past experience that I know this really well.  Boy, it really
can be trying.  It affects everything about you from your mental state, to affecting you
spiritually, physically and emotionally.

For some strange and crazy reason, women love to live in pain – all kinds of pain and
for long periods of time.   It might be that we can handle pain better then men! 😉

You know…It’s far and few between that women are taught how to be successful in
their own personal life.  These things need to be taught starting from when a woman
is young, even as early as pre-school.  In fact that’s the perfect age to start teaching
a little girl some of the things she’ll need to learn and understand because at that age,
she doesn’t know very much at all and is open to learning, is curious and can I say
very smart for her age.

Having success with your finances is all part of the learning process that needs to
happen at a young age as well.  It’s also connected with the successes you have
in your personal life, it may not seem like it’s connected but it is.

The fact is that we need money to live here on earth, there’s just no way around it.
So what do you do when you aren’t successful with your life and your finances?

With that said, what can you do about it now?  Obviously you have to start right
now where you are and go from here.  There’s no possible way of going back
and re-doing your childhood and adult years.  All is not lost!  There’s no better
time then now to learn the success habits that you will need to move forward.

There are many different keys to unlock your success.  Some work better then
others because were all different.  But there are a few basic keys that will help
everyone.

Do you want to know what some of the basic keys to unlock your success is?
I hope so, I want you to be successful in your life.

One thing that I say all the time is to ‘write things down on paper’, that’s where
the magic happens.  It’s funny how often women will say that they have all of
their goals, dreams, to-do list all in their head.  There’s just no possible way
that any of that stuff in your head will all happen in the way that you want
them to.

Write everything down on paper that is floating around in your head.
That is your assignment (if you want to call it that) for this week.
I will have part 2 of this article next week, so stay tuned for more.

Remember, write everything down and get it out of your head!

Aloha, Janin

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Feeling And Being Discouraged

yellow Hibiscus

Feeling discouraged can be very frustrating especially if you feel
discouraged a lot!  This is what I know: the word ‘discourage’ is the
direct opposite of ‘courage’. I know that many women have been
discouraged once or twice in their lives (maybe more).

Being discouraged can make you crazy! Especially if you hold on to
the feeling of discouragement for a long period of time. Sometimes
it’s really hard to get out of or let go of that crazy cycle of feeling and
being discouraged.

I do have to say that it is important for all of us to experience these types
of feelings, so that we can come to that place of knowing what it feels like,
what was the reason or thing that got us in to that funky place (as I like to call it)
in the first place and that we never ever want to go back there again if possible.

Of course if you’re at that mastery level of being in total control of your mind,
feelings and emotions, then that’s really great. End of story! But… if you’re not
at that mastery level then this is for you.

There are so many reasons why you would get in to that funky place of feeling
and being discouraged that it’s almost impossible to mention all of them here.
Especially because of how different you are from everyone else.

Now that’s a good thing, that you’re different from everyone else.

You are a unique soul and don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise.

One reason for feeling discouraged that I would like to mention is when things
aren’t going the way that you’d like them to go. Now that’s a big one because
we as women are so used to taking care of everyone and everything, we know
how we like things done and when we want it done (like now!) Ha ha, funny but
true.

When things aren’t going the way we want and it’s taking way too long, we can
get discouraged very easily because we are so used to making things happen.
Obviously there may be a feeling of anger at first but, when it’s out our control
that anger can turn to discouragement.

It’s one thing to feel discouraged but it’s another thing to be/being discouraged.

If you’re at that point of being and you’ve been there for a while, it’s probably
not a good feeling that you want to hold on to. It is possible to get out of that
funky place.  If you let it hold on to you for a long period of time, it could prevent
you from so many things in life.

You don’t want to get to that point of depression and stress.

Take a deep breath and know that help is on the way! 🙂

The number one thing that you can do is to acknowledge who you are and
what your gifts are. You are a wonderful women here on earth to grow and learn,
to gain all kinds of experiences that will make you in to a better person if you let it.

Your gifts are so important for you as a woman. I can’t stress that enough here.
You were given gifts that are only for you. Those gifts are to bless you personally
and to bless those around you and whom you come in contact with through out your life.

Remember that feeling and being discouraged is only temporary. Remembering
what your gifts are can help you to have the courage to move forward no matter
what is going on in your life and to get out of that ‘discourage’ trap that is easy to fall into.

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Emotional Shopping . . . Women and Men Do It

Emotional Shopping

Men and Women do it. 

Emotional shopping, that sounds a little crazy doesn’t it?

Emotional shopping is a force to be reckoned with!  It has its grip and
boy it doesn’t want to let go especially when you’re feeling emotionally
overloaded, just plain mad and/or sometimes you just can’t figure out how
to deal with something that is happening in your world.

So . . . what do you do?  You go shopping! Continue reading

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What’s Going On In The World With All The Advertising?

What’s going on in the world right now with all the ads you see and hear
every where targeted to you to buy, buy, buy, making you want to shop,
shop, shop! 
It can become very overwhelming at times.  Do you have
the ability to control your shopping and buying impulses?

Do you really need to buy, buy, buy gadgets, gizmos and goodies
all the time?  
Probably not! Continue reading

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When You Learn Something New…

When you learn something new, think about where it would fit into your life.

There’s always new things that you learn all the time, and you might not even realize it.
Take a minute and think about the last time that you learned something new… if you can’t
think of anything right now, that’s OK, give it some time.

Read on so that you can get some ideas on what would work for you.

Continue reading

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Women Want Freedom!

Have you ever noticed that from the time that girls are babies that they
want to be ableWomen Want Freedom.jpg to do things by themselves when ever they want to
and not when someone else wants them to.  I’m sure you’ve seen it
for yourself or heard about it from family and friends.  It’s a really funny
thing to watch, especially if you’re not the parent!  🙂

It continues on through the teenage years and the desire for freedom
becomes even stronger as young teenager girls get to experience life
a lot more:  the more freedom they have, the more they want… now
that’s a great thing!  Young women recognize the endless
possibilities that exist
out there in the world and not only what’s in
the world directly around them. (with a lot of help from social media)

The feel for and meaning of freedom is different for everyone, and that’s where
creativity starts.  Once a young woman experiences freedom in her life, there’s
no turning back and when she has her mind set on something… watch out!,
because the creative juices are flowing like a waterfall and she has the power
to do great things and be an influence for good even at this young age.  She’s
very aware of her strengths and weaknesses.

Freedom allows the creative juices to start flowing if you let it.

Now move forward into adulthood and it’s time to rock and roll.  There’s
something that happens when a teenage girl becomes a young adult and
is out of high school, freedom takes over and she feels unstoppable (and
maybe invincible too).  She is not limited by what boundaries her parents
have set for her as a teen, she’s independent now and there’s no turning
back.

There’s an endless list of freedoms that all women can enjoy and do enjoy:

  • Freedom to dream
  • Freedom to love
  • Freedom to feel love
  • Freedom to be happy
  • Freedom to create
  • Freedom to be creative
  • Freedom to cry
  • Freedom to laugh
  • Freedom to sing
  • Freedom to dance
  • Freedom to hug someone
  • Freedom to make someone happy
  • Freedom to serve someone
  • Freedom to say something nice to someone

And the list goes on … it doesn’t matter where you live in this world, these freedoms
are free; given to everyone from God.

Having and using that freedom is very important, it’s not something to take for granted
for forget about.  As soon as a woman stops’ using her freedom to be and do great
things in her life is when she can slip into depression and feel very frustrated.
Not a happy place!

Women Want Freedom!  There’s just no if’s, and’s, or but’s about it.

What does freedom mean to you, what freedoms do you value and enjoy right now
in your life?

Make sure that you always remember what freedoms you value and that are
important to you, so that you always live your life with a lot of creativity and can
continue to be unstoppable.  Whether you believe that you’re unstoppable or
not, I’m here to tell you that you and all women ARE unstoppable.  That’s our
gift as women!

Be free and share your gift!

 

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Are You Your Own Worst Critic?

Sometimes we can be our own worst critic.  Why do we do that to ourselves
and what good will it do?

Criticizing is a direct reflection of who we compare our selves to and making
all kinds of judgments.

There’s the internal criticizing and then there’s the verbal criticizing, it happens
all the time.  Have you ever listened to yourself lately to the things that you are
saying in your mind and out loud?

Constant criticizing, no matte what kind it is can lead to feelings of not being
good enough, feelings of not being smart enough, not having enough, and
many more.  Life is not meant to be like that

You are unique.

Take a look at criticizing versus reflecting; the great thing is, is that you can
switch from criticizing to reflecting.  It’s a simple switch to make.

Here is something simple that you can do to make that switch:

As soon as you start to have that thought and urge to criticize either
yourself or someone else, quickly turn that thought into a question.

e.g. if you’re thinking the thought that “I’m so stupid, why did I do that.”
or “He or she is so stupid, I don’t know why he/she did that.”

What you would do then is to ask yourself:  “Is it really true that I’m stupid?”
and if it were about someone else, you would ask yourself:  “Is what he or she did
really stupid or is it just that I didn’t like or agree with what that person did?”

After asking those questions and reflecting on what you just said, you will
be able to answer yourself truthfully and I bet you that your answers will
be positive and not negative.

It feels so much better when you start to reflect on what you think and
say instead of criticize.

You can use this method with everything that you are dealing with.
Try it right now; it’s a beautiful thing.

 

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